Advent is the advent of purity—or should be. And one of the major faults from which we must purify is “unforgiveness.” It is the time of year to forgive.
This often flies under the radar.
Yet Jesus taught it even from the Cross (“Father, forgive them…”). Can anyone or anything be more difficult to forgive than that?
As a priest was pointing out the other day, when we still have someone to forgive, there is a hardness, however large or small, in our hearts. Go back through your life and think about this.
When your heart is hard, it makes it more difficult for God’s Love to penetrate.
And we need His Love to pervade our inner selves, for that alone purifies.
“Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says: ‘Oh, that today you would hear His voice, harden not your hearts as at the rebellion in the day of testing in the desert.’” (Hebrews 3:7-8).
We see this also in Psalms 95:7-8:
“Oh, that today you would hear His Voice: Do not harden your hearts as at Meribah, as on the day of Massah in the desert.”
Meribah means “quarreling,” “contention,” or “strife.”
Is that or a similar residue, a darkness, a rigidity, still in our hearts? There is much of this in our contentious, disobedient, and disrepectful time.
An examination of conscience this time of year can be valuable. Here are a few (here and here and here, as well as below).
Harden not they heart!
“I will remove the heart of stone… and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26).
+
[Footnote from Baltimore Catechism:
When we are about to go to confession the first thing we should do is to
pray to the Holy Ghost to give us light to know and remember all our
sins; to fully understand how displeasing they are to God, and to have a
great sorrow for them, which includes the resolution of never committing
them again. The next thing we should do is:
(1) "Examine our conscience"; and first of all we find out how long a
time it is since our last confession, and whether we made a good
confession then and received Holy Communion and performed our penance.
The best method of examining is to take the Commandments and go over
each one in our mind, seeing if we have broken it, and in what way; for
example: First. "I am the Lord thy God; thou shalt not have strange gods
before Me." Have I honored God? Have I said my prayers morning and
night; have I said them with attention and devotion? Have I thanked God
for all His blessings? Have I been more anxious to please others than to
please God, or offended Him for the sake of others? Second "Thou shalt
not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain." Have I cursed? Have I
taken God's name in vain or spoken without reverence of holy things?
Third. "Remember thou keep holy the Sabbath day." Have I neglected to
hear Mass through my own fault on Sundays and holy days of obligation?
Have I kept others from Mass? Have I been late, and at what part of the
Mass did I come in? Have I been willfully distracted at Mass or have I
distracted others? Have I done servile work without necessity? Fourth.
"Honor thy father and thy mother." Have I been disobedient to parents or
others who have authority over me--to spiritual or temporal superiors,
teachers, etc.? Have I slighted or been ashamed of parents because they
were poor or uneducated? Have I neglected to give them what help I could
when they were in need of it? Have I spoken of them with disrespect or
called them names that were not proper? Fifth. "Thou shalt not kill."
Have I done anything that might lead to killing? Have I been angry or
have I tried to take revenge? Have I borne hatred or tried to injure
others? Have I given scandal? Sixth. "Thou shalt not commit adultery."
Have I indulged in any bad thoughts, looked at any bad pictures or
objects, listened to any bad conversation, told or listened to bad or
immodest jokes or stories, or, in general, spoken of bad things? Have I
done any bad actions or desired to do any while alone or with others?
Seventh. "Thou shalt not steal." Have I stolen anything myself or helped
or advised others to steal? Have I received anything or part of anything
that I knew to be stolen? Do I owe money and not pay it when I can? Have
I bought anything with the intention of never paying for it or at least
knowing I never could pay for it? Have I made restitution when told to
do so by my confessor; or have I put it off from time to time? Have I
failed to give back what belonged to another? Have I found anything and
not tried to discover its owner, or have I kept it in my possession
after I knew to whom it belonged? Have I cheated in business or at
games? Eighth. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor."
Have I told lies or injured anyone by my talk? Have I told the faults of
others without any necessity? It is not allowed to tell the faults of
others--even when you tell the truth about them--unless some good comes
of the telling. Ninth. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife." This
can come into our examination on the Sixth Commandment. Tenth. "Thou
shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods." This can come into our
examination on the Seventh Commandment.
After examining yourself on the Commandments of God, examine yourself on
the Commandments of the Church.
First. "To hear Mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation." This has
been considered in the examination on the Third Commandment. Second "To
fast and abstain on the days appointed." Have I knowingly eaten meat on
Ash Wednesday or the Fridays of Lent, or not done some chosen penance on
the other Fridays of the year, or not fasted on Ash Wednesday or Good
Friday, unless I had good reason not to do so on account of poor health
or other reason? Third. "To confess at least once a year." Is it over a
year, and how much over it, since I have been to confession? Fourth. "To
receive Holy Eucharist during the Easter time." Did I go to Holy
Communion between the first Sunday of Lent and Trinity Sunday? If not, I
have committed a mortal sin. Fifth. "To contribute to the support of our
pastors." Have I helped the church and reasonably paid my share of its
expenses--given to charity and the like, or have I made others pay for
the light, heat, and other things that cost money in the church, and
shared in their benefits without giving according to my means? Have I
kept what was given me for the church or other charity, or stolen from
the church and not stated that circumstance when I confessed that I
stole? Sixth. "Not to marry persons who are not Catholics, or who are
related to us within the third degree of kindred, or privately without
witnesses, nor to solemnize marriage at forbidden times." Have I
anything to tell on this Commandment?
After examining yourself on the Commandments of God and of His Church,
examine yourself on the capital sins, especially on "Pride." Have I been
impudent and stubborn, vain about my dress, and the like? Have I
despised others simply on account of poverty or something they could not
help? "Gluttony." Have I ever taken intoxicating drink to excess or
broken a promise not to take it? Have I knowingly caused others to be
intoxicated? "Sloth." Have I wasted my time willfully and neglected to
do my duty at school or elsewhere? After examining yourself on the
Commandments and capital sins, examine yourself on the duties of your
state of life. If you are at school, how have you studied? You should
study not alone to please your parents or teachers, but for the sake of
learning. If you are at work, have you been faithful to your employer,
and done your work well and honestly?
The above method is generally recommended as the best in the examination
of conscience. But you need not follow these exact questions; you can
ask yourself any questions you please: the above questions are given
only as examples of what you might ask, and to show you how to question
yourself. It is useless to take any list of sins in a prayerbook and
examine yourself by it, confessing the sins just as they are given. If
you do take such a list and find in it some questions or sins that you
do not understand, do not trouble yourself about them. In asking
yourself the questions, if you find you have sinned against a
Commandment, stop and consider how many times. There are few persons who
sin against all the Commandments. Some sin against one and some against
another. Find out the worst sin you have and the one you have most
frequently committed, and be sure of telling it.
(2) "Have sorrow for our sins." After examining your conscience and
finding out the sins you have committed, the next thing is to be sorry
for them. The sorrow is the most essential part in the whole Sacrament
of Penance. In this Sacrament there are, as you know, three parts:
contrition, confession, and satisfaction--and contrition is the most
important part. When, therefore, we are preparing for confession, we
should spend just as much time, and even more, in exciting ourselves to
sorrow for our sins as in the examination of our conscience. Some
persons forget this and spend all their time examining their conscience.
We should pray for sorrow if we think we have none. Remember the act of
contrition made at confession is not the sorrow, but only an outward
sign by which we make known to the priest that we have the sorrow in our
hearts, and therefore we must have the sorrow before making the
confession--or at least, before receiving the absolution. Now what kind
of sorrow must we have? Someone might say, I am not truly sorry because
I cannot cry. If some of my friends died, I would be more sorry for that
than for my sins. Do not make any such mistakes. The true and necessary
kind of sorrow for sin is to know that by sin you have offended God, and
now feel that it was very wrong, and that you have from this moment the
firm determination never to offend Him more. If God adds to this a
feeling that brings tears to your eyes, it is good, but not necessary.
(3) Remember real sorrow for sin supposes and contains "a firm
resolution" never to sin again. How can you say to God, "O my God, I am
heartily sorry," etc., if you are waiting only for the next opportunity
to sin? How can we be sorry for the past if we are going to do the same
in the future? Do you think the thief would be sorry for his past thefts
if he had his mind made up to steal again as soon as he had the chance?
Ah, but you will say, nearly all persons sin again after confession. I
know that; but when they were making their confession they thought they
never would, and really meant never to sin again; but when temptation
came, they forgot the good resolution, did not use God's help, and fell
into sin again. I mean, therefore, that at the time you make the act of
contrition you must really mean what you say and promise never to sin,
and take every means you can to keep that promise. If you do fall
afterwards, renew your promise as quickly as possible and make a greater
effort than before. Be on your guard against those things that make you
break your promise, and then your act of contrition will be a good one.
A person may be afraid that he will fall again, but being afraid does
not make his contrition worthless as long as he wishes, hopes, and
intends never to sin again. We should always be afraid of falling into
sin, and we will fall into it if we depend upon ourselves alone, and not
on the help which God gives us in His grace.
(4) "Confess our sins." Having made the necessary preparation, you will
next go into the confessional; and while you are waiting for the priest
to hear you, you should say the Confiteor. When the priest turns to you,
bless yourself and say: "Bless me, father, for I have sinned. It is a
month or a week (or whatever time it may be) since my last confession,
and I have since committed these sins." Then tell your sins as you found
them in examining yourself. In confession you must tell only such things
as are sins. You must not tell all the details and a long story with
every sin. For example, if a boy should confess that he went to see a
friend, and after that met another friend, and when he came home he was
asked what had kept him, and he told a lie. Now, the going to see the
friend and the meeting of the other friend, and all the rest, was not a
sin: the sin was telling the lie, and that was all that should have been
confessed. Therefore, tell only the sins. Then tell only your own sins,
and be very careful not to mention anyone's name--even your own--in
confession. Be brief, and do not say, I broke the First Commandment or
the Second by doing so and so; tell the sin simply as it is, and the
priest himself will know what Commandment you violated. Again, when you
have committed a sin several times a day do not multiply that by the
number of days since your last confession and say to the priest, I have
told lies, for example, four hundred and forty-two times. Such things
only confuse you and make you forget your sins. Simply say, I am in the
habit of telling lies, about so many, three or four--or whatever number
it may be--times a day. Never say "sometimes" or "often" when you are
telling the number of your sins. Sometimes might mean ten or it might
mean twenty times. How then can the priest know the number by that
expression? Give the number as nearly as you can, and if you do not know
the whole number give the number of times a day, etc. Never say "maybe"
I did so and so; because maybe you did not, and the priest cannot judge.
Tell what you consider your worst sin first, then if there be any sin
you are ashamed to tell or do not know how to tell, say to the priest:
"Father, I have a sin I am ashamed to tell, or a sin I do not know how
to tell"; and then the priest will ask you some questions and help you
to tell it. But never think of going away from the confessional with
some sin that you did not tell. The devil sometimes tempts people to do
this, because he does not like to see them in a state of grace and
friends of God. When you are committing the sin, he makes you believe it
is not a great sin, and that you can tell it in confession; but after
you have committed it he makes you believe that it is a most terrible
sin, and that if you tell it, the priest will scold you severely. So it
is concealed and the person leaves the confessional with a new sin upon
his soul--that of sacrilege. When Judas was tempted to betray Our Lord,
he thought thirty pieces of silver a great deal of money; and then,
after he had committed the sin, he cared nothing for the money, but went
and threw it away, and thought his sin so dreadful that he hanged
himself, dying in despair.
It is not necessary to tell the priest the exact words you said in
cursing or in bad conversation, unless he asks you; but simply say,
Father, I cursed so many times. Do not speak too loud in the
confessional, but loud enough for the priest to hear you. If you are
deaf, do not go into the confessional while others are near, but wait
till all have been heard and then go in last, or ask the priest to hear
you someplace else.
(5) Listen attentively to hear what "penance" the priest gives you, and
say the act of contrition while he pronounces the words of absolution;
and above all, never leave the confessional till the priest closes the
little door or tells you to go. If the priest does not say at what
particular time you are to say your penance, say it as soon as you can.
When you have, told all your sins, you will say: "For these and all the
sins of my whole life, especially any I have forgotten, I am heartily
sorry, and ask pardon and penance." Listen to the priest's advice, and
answer simply any question he may ask you. If you should forget a mortal
sin in confession and remember it the same day or evening, or while you
are still in the church, it will not be necessary to wait and go to
confession again. It is forgiven already, because it was included in
your forgotten sins; but you must tell it the next time you go to
confession, saying before your regular confession: In my last confession
I forgot this sin. Of course if you tried to forget your sins your
confession would be invalid. It is only when you examine your conscience
with all reasonable care, and then after all forget some sins, that such
forgotten sins are forgiven.
Never talk or quarrel for places while waiting for confession, and never
cheat another out of his turn in going to confession. It is unjust, it
makes the person angry, and lessens his good disposition for confession.
It creates confusion, and annoys the priest who hears the noise. If you
are in a hurry, ask the others to allow you to go first; and if they
will not be contented and wait, and if you cannot wait, go some other
time, unless you are in the state of mortal sin. In this case you should
go to confession that day, no matter what the inconvenience. Spend your
time while waiting in praying for pardon and sorrow. Never keep the
priest waiting for you in the confessional; pass in as soon as he is
prepared to hear you.
192 Q. What is the examination of conscience?
A. The examination of conscience is an earnest effort to recall to mind
all the sins we have committed since our last worthy confession.
"Worthy confession," because if we made bad confessions we must tell how
often we made them, and whether we received Holy Communion after them or
not, and also all the sins we told in the bad confessions, and all
others committed since the good confession. If, for example, a boy made
a good confession in January, and in confession in February concealed a
mortal sin and went to confession after that every month to December, he
would have to go back to his last good confession, and repeat all the
sins committed since January, and also say that he had gone to
confession once a month and made bad confessions all these times.
*193 Q. How can we make a good examination of conscience?
A. We can make a good examination of conscience by calling to memory the
Commandments of God, the precepts of the Church, the seven capital sins,
and the particular duties of our state in life, to find out the sins we
have committed.
*194 Q. What should we do before beginning the examination of
conscience?
A. Before beginning the examination of conscience we should pray to God
to give us light to know our sins and grace to detest them.