Not all spiritual attacks are dramatic. They don’t necessarily involve strange manifestations, frightening experiences, or anything that resembles a Hollywood portrayal of the demonic.
Sometimes, according to those who warn about spiritual warfare, the most damaging influences come through ordinary relationships — friends, fellow workers, relatives, acquaintances )including social media contacts), even people who profess to love us and may—but harbor something.
A recent Christian presentation outlined thirteen potential warning signs of destructive spiritual influence in close relationships. While such behaviors certainly do not prove demonic activity — and may have entirely natural explanations — they raise important questions about discernment, the people we allow into our lives, and the subtle ways our spiritual peace can be disturbed.
One warning sign is the person who consistently leaves us emotionally and spiritually exhausted. After a conversation or visit, instead of feeling encouraged or strengthened, we experience an unusual heaviness. We may find ourselves needing time to recover from even brief encounters. The presentation suggests paying attention when such experiences become a recurring pattern rather than an occasional difficulty.
Another concerns the destructive power of words. Some individuals seem almost incapable of offering encouragement. They emphasize our failures, magnify our fears, undermine our hopes, and find reasons why our best intentions will never succeed. Their criticism may even be disguised as loving concern.
Scripture reminds us that the tongue has tremendous power. We recently had an article about exactly this. Words can build confidence and faith, or gradually weaken both. The danger is especially pronounced when discouragement comes from someone whose opinion we value.
A third warning involves people who continually draw us away from God. They may ridicule prayer, belittle religious commitments, or repeatedly interfere with time set aside for spiritual activities. Sometimes the interference is more subtle: constant demands, unnecessary emergencies, or distractions that gradually consume the hours once devoted to prayer. Phone calls out of the blue.
The result can be a slow weakening of spiritual discipline without any obvious moment of departure from the faith.
Closely related is the gradual normalization of sin. Spiritual compromise seldom begins with a dramatic decision. More frequently it develops through small concessions, each appearing harmless or reasonable. A person who continually encourages exceptions to moral principles may eventually influence us to accept behavior we once firmly rejected.
Another danger is the individual who seems perpetually surrounded by turmoil: Wherever that person goes, arguments erupt, misunderstandings multiply, relationships deteriorate, and previously peaceful situations become complicated and perhaps outright chaotic. The presentation suggests examining repeated patterns rather than judging someone by a single unfortunate incident.
Then there are those who seem especially determined to undermine our God-given gifts and calling. Instead of criticizing everything we do, they repeatedly discourage the very abilities, aspirations, or spiritual activities through which we might accomplish something meaningful.
This can have an especially damaging effect when the criticism comes from someone close enough to know our deepest hopes and vulnerabilities.
Deception is another significant warning. Some individuals repeatedly distort events, conceal important facts, or present selective versions of conversations that leave others confused. Over time, those subjected to such manipulation may begin questioning their own memory and judgment.
Psychologists sometimes describe certain forms of this behavior as “gaslighting” (a rather nebulous, overused terrm). From a Christian perspective, deliberate deception also raises a spiritual concern, since Christ identified the devil with falsehood.
The presentation likewise warns about persistent patterns of broken relationships. A person may have experienced numerous fractured friendships, family estrangements, or bitter professional disputes while invariably portraying everyone else as responsible. Watch for patterns. But don’t judge; discern with love.
Of course, relationships can fail for many legitimate reasons. Nevertheless, an unwillingness to acknowledge any personal responsibility can suggest a deeper difficulty involving humility, honesty, and reconciliation.
Another proposed indication is an unusual hostility toward religious things and this is a no-brainer. There is an important distinction between someone who does not share our beliefs and someone who seems determined to mock, attack, or interfere with them.
The presentation, from “The Rational Stoic,” also considers the atmosphere within the home: Certain visitors may consistently introduce tension, arguments, or emotional upheaval into an otherwise peaceful household. It can be like a gong or a curtain dropping. The warning is to be thoughtful about the influences we invite into our most private surroundings, including conversations, entertainment, and personal relationships.
One especially troubling pattern involves people who exploit moments of vulnerability.
The presentation cautions that the true character of such relationships is better judged by their long-term effects than by the immediate comfort they provide.
A twelfth warning is persistent resistance to correction or accountability. Such individuals may speak convincingly about religion, attend church, or even occupy positions of spiritual leadership. Yet when confronted with legitimate criticism, they repeatedly deny responsibility, blame others, or portray themselves as victims.
The issue is not ordinary defensiveness, which nearly everyone experiences, but an entrenched refusal to admit wrongdoing or pursue meaningful change.
Finally comes what one of the most difficult situations: a relationship that seems almost impossible to leave despite repeated harm.
A person may recognize manipulation, dishonesty, destructive criticism, and emotional exhaustion, yet feel overwhelming guilt at the thought of establishing boundaries.
Love, compassion, family obligation, and religious duty can become entangled with fear and unhealthy dependence.
There is a difference between genuine Christian charity and accepting mistreatment without necessary limits.
Catholic teaching recognizes the reality of demonic temptation and influence, but these behaviors are not an established Church test for identifying demonic activity. Emotional exhaustion, family conflict, criticism, troubled relationships, or psychological manipulation cannot, by themselves, establish a supernatural cause.
But red flags? That they can be.
Discernment involves examining the fruits of our relationships. Do they draw us toward truth, charity, humility, peace, and greater closeness to Christ? Or do they repeatedly encourage dishonesty, resentment, confusion, despair, and separation from God?
We are called to love others, including difficult people. What a test of life! But charity does not require surrendering our judgment, abandoning our faith, or allowing someone unlimited influence over our spiritual lives.
Prayer, healthy boundaries, forgiveness, and wise counsel can all play important roles. In serious situations, guidance from a trusted priest or qualified professional may be appropriate.
The objective should never be to label those around us as instruments of evil. It is to recognize harmful influences without losing compassion, to resist temptation without becoming suspicious of everyone, and to seek the light of Christ in every relationship.
For ultimately, the most important question is not whether darkness might be operating through someone else; it is whether we ourselves are remaining firmly anchored in the Light.